Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Immaturity and Regret: Part 2

Okay. So there are going to be 3 parts to this one. This idea is wedged in my head and I need to get it out. So, enjoy.


The day after the club was one big blur. I remember waking up, eating something and crawling up into bed again. Now it was dark, and I still hadn't moved.

When I finally got up to take a shower, Amelia was waiting outside my bedroom door for me.

"I'm sorry I took you out, I shouldn't have-" I stopped her mid-sentence.

"It's not your fault. I shouldn't have been so foolish."

"Pam brought this." She held out another one of Eric's black t-shirts. Tears welled up in my eyes.

"I told her that you hadn't taken off the one that you already had. We're just worried about you Sookie." I took the shirt from her hands and walked away, heading for the bathroom.

I turned the shower on and stood under the pulsing water. I didn't even bother moving. I let the water mingle with my tears. I dug my fingers into my scalp, moving my hair away from my face. I took a step back and leaned against the back of the shower. I slid my back down the wall until I was sitting on the floor of the shower.

The water was getting cold and pelting me like small drops of ice. I felt like I could just lay there and slip away. I felt so empty. The weight of my stupidity from last night was caving down on me. Somewhere in my mind I heard Amelia come in. I felt her gently scrubbing me clean. I didn't even have the strength to be embarrassed. She pulled me to my feet and dried me off. I had stopped crying, I think I had ran out of tears.

I turned out to be wrong. When Amelia yanked Eric's shirt over my head and I caught a whiff of his scent, I burst into tears. Amelia tried to calm me by brushing my hair and pulling it up into a pony-tail. I was inconsolable.

She led me back to my room and let me flop down on the bed. She picked up my cell phone and left the room. I could hear her outside my bedroom door, talking to someone in hushed tones. I laid on my stomach and buried my head in my pillows.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, I felt cool hands lifting me up. I was off the bed for a second before being laid back down, only this time I was laying on someone's chest. I opened my eyes and looked up to see Eric beneath me.

Tears started sting my eyes. He held his finger to my lips to silence anything I may say. He held me tight against him. My legs slid to straddle his hips, and my body fell limp against his chest. He had one hand tangled in my hair, holding my head to his chest. The other was wrapped around my waist and lightly stroking my side.

I lifted my head up to look at him. "How could you?"

He looked confused.

"How could you, knowing how drunk I was? Knowing how I feel. How could you screw me then let me leave? Why couldn't you call me? Is that why you're hear now, your horny again?" I felt rage building inside me. I was hurt before, but now I was angry. He didn't love me, now he was here trying to seduce me again.

"How could you?" My voice came out as a shriek. I pounded my fists on his chest. "How could you?" I cried it over and over again as I pounded on his chest. Eric didn't even move. He just let me cry and thump my fists against him. Eventually I crumpled out of pure exhaustion. When I fell back against his chest he wrapped his arms back around me. I sobbed against his chest, soaking his shirt in the process.


I let her throw her fit. She pounded and wailed against me. I sat there, letting her beat on my chest. Nothing could hurt more than the fact she thought I took advantage of her.

I knew she was drunk. But if I thought she would regret what happened, I wouldn't have done it.

Now she was laying, tired and crying against me. She collapsed after her fit. I didn't say anything, just held her. I almost ached to tell her I loved her. But if she didn't know it already, then she never would.

She regretted everything between us. Why should I lay myself bare for her to dismiss again? I never needed a human before, I wouldn't allow myself to be weakened by her.

Once I realized she was asleep I rolled her off me. She was so beautiful laying there in my t-shirt. I looked over at the small stack of my shirts that Pam had given to Amelia. They sat on Sookie's dresser. Something for her to remember me by.

I kissed her forehead and laid a hand on her cheek. Maybe she wouldn't even remember me being here. She would go on with her life as she always had.

The only reason I had shown up tonight was because the witch was concerned. When I really looked down at her, I could see she had lost weight. I sat back down on the edge of the bed. I couldn't bring myself to leave her.

She looked so frail, so beaten down. This human had been through a lot. I doubt she ever gained anything by knowing vampires. I reached my hand out and ran my fingers over her ribs. I could feel them through my shirt.

I knew then, that I had to leave. Staying would only bring her more heartache. I leaned over and placed a very gentle kiss on her lips. Closing my eyes and enjoying the feel, for just a second. I pulled away before I lost my will to leave.

I stood and made my way to the door. I turned around just one last time. "I love you Sookie Stackhouse."

With that said, I was gone.


Months had passed since the night Eric came to me in my bedroom. Sometimes I thought it was just a dream. But it was too vivid to be my imagination. I remember him standing in the doorway, thinking I was sleeping. He told me he loved me.

The thought still ripped at my heart. Amelia urged me to call him. But I wouldn't. I wouldn't be the weak one anymore. I just put on my fake smile and went on with my life. I doubt anyone knew how I cried myself to sleep every night. I would always snuggle with his t-shirts. I stopped wearing them. That made me look weak. But I kept them all, and every night I'd hold one close to me and cry into it.

I knew everyone worried. Everyone held nothing but pity in their eyes when they saw me. I had to go out and buy clothes that I could scarcely afford to accommodate my new body. I had lost so much weight that I was scaring Amelia. I drifted from a size 10 to a size 4. Even size 4 was getting too big for me.

Pam would stop by occasionally to see me. She was always worried about my weight. She said that Eric wasn't looking much better. She swore that he had stopped feeding on donors and was only drinking True Blood now. I didn't know if I believed that or not.

Tonight was my only night off this week. I had been working 6 days a week to try to give my mind a rest from thoughts of him. Sam wasn't fond of making me work so much, but when I begged him he finally gave in.

I stood in front of the mirror in my bedroom. Tonight Pam was coming by to watch movies with me. I was in the middle of getting dressed. I knew I was thin, my ribs showed and I had gotten pale. My eyes were darker, I knew I didn't look well. I pushed the thought from my head and grabbed a pair of jeans and a t-shirt from my closet. It was the only thing that didn't show the drastic nature of my weight loss.

I sat on the sofa and waited for Pam to show up. I didn't have to wait long. Pam was knocking on the door within a few minutes. When I opened the door she sucked in a deep breath that she didn't need.

"Sookie, your withering away."

"I am not, I've just been working out." She arched an eyebrow up but chose to let me get away with that one. She came in toting a black bag from the video store.

"Would you like a True Blood?"

"No, I've fed already. Have you?"

"If your asking if I've eaten dinner. Then yes, I have."

"Prove it."

"Would you like me to throw it back up?"

"No, that won't be necessary." Pam made her way to the DVD player and stuck in Stepford Wives. I almost laughed, Pam looked like a Stepford wife most days. I sat on one end of the sofa and Pam sat on the other.

She was busy texting on her phone, not even watching the movie.

"I have to leave. I'll come back for the movies tomorrow night. Sorry, Sookie." I stood to walk her to the door. She turned and hugged me. That truly surprised me. When she pulled away she rubbed my sides. "Please take care of yourself. You are not well."

Before I could even reply she was gone. I sunk back on the sofa and turned the movie off. I wasn't in the mood to watch anything. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. I tried not to sink into the despair that was so normal for me. I almost fell asleep, until someone was knocking on my door. I figured it was Pam coming back for something she left.

When I open the door I was stunned to see Eric standing there. Pam was right, he did look bad. He looked ragged, not his normal impeccable self. His hair was a mess, his shirt was rumpled and he was paler than normal.

"Eric..." I bit my lip to keep from crying. I tried not to cry and throw myself at him. I could feel my heart breaking all over again. All the pain from all the months he was gone came crashing down on me.


It almost broke me to hear her say my name. Pam was right when she texted me, Sookie looked sick.

"Come in." Even her voice sounded weak. She stepped back to let me. I crossed into her home and stopped to look down at her. I reached out slowly to touch her cheek. Her face was sunken in and her eyes darker. I let my hand slide down to her ribs. I squeezed my eyes shut tight when I felt the bone protruding from her once soft supple skin. She looked pale, like she hadn't seen the sun in months.

I could see that her jeans were too big on her, and the t-shirt did very little to hide how much weight she had lost. I was cursing myself for ever leaving her. I thought she would be better without me. I thought I was doing what was best. When I would feel her despair I would push it away, hoping she would be okay. I should have came to her sooner. Now she was wasting away.

"Would you like a True Blood?" She gave me her fake 'I'm okay' smile. It looked misplaced on her beautiful face. I longed to see her real smile. I couldn't even answer her. I just shook my head no. I reached out and took her hand. I backed her over to the sofa and sat her down. I kneeled down and softly pushed her legs open so I could kneel between them.

I layed my head on her chest and wrapped my arms around her. I had refused to let myself miss her, but having her this close reminded me of my love for her. I just wanted to hold her, and care for her.

I listened to her heartbeat through her chest. I felt her hand slide up my back and run over the back of my head. For the first time in a long time I felt the urge to cry. Years of being hardened to the world, only to be brought to tears by a frail woman.

"Eric, I was awake that night. When you left for the last time. I heard you tell me you loved me."

I was stunned. She heard me and didn't bother to offer me a response. I looked up to her. Tears rolled down her face.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you this. But Eric, I love you too. I just don't know how this could ever work."

"I don't either. But it's killing us both by not trying"


The offer hung heavy in the air. Eric wanted to try a relationship. I wanted to throw myself against him and beg him to stay with me forever. But my mind wouldn't let me. This was the most horrible form of torture. We were so in love, but we both knew it wouldn't work. Our relationship would be death of one, or both of us.

It took every last bit of strength I had in me to say what I said next. "I can't do this Eric. You have to go."

He pulled back like he'd been slapped. "You're serious?"

"Yes, please go. Eric, I love you. But this relationship will be the death of you." I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his forehead. "I'm so sorry." Tears were streaming down my face.

"Eric, I rescind your invitation." I watched as he stood and left my house. I threw myself on the sofa and cried. I knew I'd never see him again. But at least he wouldn't die because of me.


  1. *sobbing like a lovesick puppy* Snap out of it already and get together!!! I need a HEA!!! I'm heartbroken, I tell ya, heartbroken. Praying for lots of love and kissing and ESN!!! Great story. Hugs, Joie

  2.'s a good thing I have taken to keeping a box of tissues by my computer!! OMG I was really crying and that you envoke such emotion only praises your writing even more. I hope they work this out since you said only 3 chapters...they better get busy real quick! I adore your writing...bravo!!!!!!!

  3. That was incredible! I am actually crying. I don't cry often when I read (even sad stuff). "Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)" & "Who's Crying Now" by Journey both came on while I was reading and IMO the lyrics of those songs mirror the dynamics of E/S so well in this chapter and just spurred my tears even more. Amazing!!!!

  4. OMG is right, I can't believe that she rescinded his invitation, I mean they both love each other, yet she is to scared to even give it a chance. She is already ended a relationship that hasn't even started yet. Typical Sookie...I blame Bill :P